Behind The Closed Door
by crazy.chick.on.here
Summary: Duo disappeared after the war, now a year later Heero finds him, but he can't help with problems he is having himself. 1x2 eating disordered, cutting, selfmut, substance abuse.
1. Chapter 1

So I have been thinking about doing this for a while but I never really got around to it until now. I haven't written in a long time so any comments are welcome, but if you're going to flame me, instead of telling me how much it sucked why don't you try telling me how I could fix it. But any who on with the story, don't forget to R&R!

By the way I don't own any of the GW characters.

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**Behind The Closed Door**

Chapter One

* * *

'I wonder how everyone is doing' Heero thought as he sat at his laptop, 'I know Trowa and Quatre were living together and I just talked to them, Wufei is working in Europe, and Duo is…ok so I really don't know where Duo is. He has been on my mind ever since the war ended a year ago but he just up and disappeared … ah get your mind set, your trying to be normal remember? Normal teenagers get on the internet after class and socialize, not that I really have anyone to talk to; the only people on my buddy list are the pilots. But that one girl did give me her screen name, I will see if she isn't on…'

He opened aim and the sign on screen appeared.

Name: Zero01

Password: Perfectone01

Heero stared at the screen as it opened to his buddy list. To his amazement everyone was on, _including Duo_. He clicked on it. His fingers flew as he typed the first message.

Zero01: You haven't made contact with any of us for the past year. I want answers now.

Shinigami: ive been livin life

Zero01: And where exactly, are you living. I tired tracking you but apparently you have come to use with a new name.

Heero sneered.

Shinigami: y does it matter u don't want to c me nor do i want you to see me, so i just left evry1 alone

Zero01: Why would any of us not want to see you?

Shinigami: idk bad memories?

Zero01: I don't know about the rest of the guys but you do not bring bad memories back when you are around me. So back to my original question, where are you living? If you are not going to answer that, then tell me what name you are going by now.

Shinigami: No, im not really wanting to talk right now… uh… im uh… going out.

Zero01: Where?

Shinigami: uh a club baka

Zero01: Why are you going to a club and what is the name of it?

Shinigami: y do you need to know any of that

Zero01: I am curious to know what you are up to.

Shinigami: yea well so are the other 3 ppl that are asking me the same thing.

Zero01: Tell me where you are.

Shinigami: …Lanningsburg

Zero01: What name are you going by?

Shinigami: uh blushes Duo….

Zero01: Last?

Shinigami: yuy

Heero about fell off of his chair, 'what in the world was he using my last name for'

Shinigami: night heero buddy!

**Shinigami has now signed off**

Heero was out the door before Duo signed off.

* * *

"I can't believe I told him that! I can't believe I told him!" Duo repeated as he stared walking toward the bathroom. He closed and locked the door, old habits die hard.

He placed his hand on the counter and looked at himself in the mirror. His face was sunken in from barely eating during the past 10 months along with his stomach and limbs, his hair was still in its long braid but it had lost a lot of its thickness, black circles were colored under his eyes from countless nights of insomnia and the part of his arms that were showing under his shirt were cut raw from the razor hidden from the unwanted.

'He can't see me like this, I have to get out of here' he thought. 'I will go to a club like I said I would. When I get back I will deal with everything then.'

With that Duo stepped out of the bath room and headed toward his closet. He stripped down to his boxers and pulled on a purple silk tank top, showing his arms to be diced up and down, he grimaced when he felt some of the scars pull. After throwing on some of his favorite tight black pants and shoes he headed out the door and proceeded to the club.

Once there he headed toward the bar in the back corner, colored lights playing on his pale face.

"Whatcha want?" the husky bartender said.

"Bloody Mary's fine, thanks" Duo said as he looked around. The place was dark except for the colored light and was packed full. When the drink was place in front of him and downed it and asked for another. It didn't take him long to be completely wasted on a empty stomach and starting to feel like it was time to go. As he stud up he started to fall, only to be stopped by ruff hands.

"Hey sweetie how about you and me go have some fun." A bulky guy said with his hands drifting from duos shoulders to his hips.

"Ah nah that's ok" Duo slurred. 'Oh my I have had WAY to much. Ga I want to go home and sleep'

"No one turns me down." the guy said as he pulled back.

"Ah well I just did buddy, see you around." Duo said slowly and started to walk away only to feel a large amount of pain hit his cheek. 'Oh shit I am done for' He thought as he hit the ground, hitting his head against the cold floor. He looked up just before he lost conscience to see someone knocking the guy out and then leaning over him saying his name softly before his eyes closed. 'crap'.

* * *

I found him, but only in time to see him get the shit knocked out of him. I barely realized it was him, he was so tiny and his hair lost its shine and thickness. The only way I did know it was him was by the long braid. I took care of the trouble and then bent over him to make sure he was alright, he was out cold.

'Duo what the hell have you been doing to yourself?'

I bent over to pick him up realizing he weighed only a slight bit over 90. 'This can't be good.' I took him to my car and when I opened the door to set him in, the light hit his arms illuminating loads of scars, some which I noticed were new against the tiny pale wrist. 'Not you too' I sighed and looked away from the boy in my arms. 'I don't think I can help you. But that doesn't mean I won't try.'

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AN: Eh ok that was really short, but, it set everything up so it had to be done. I have plans for the next chapter and it will probably be done tonight. Any feedback will be awesome. 


	2. Chapter 2

Conscience started to pull me back to reality. 'No sleep I haven't slept in days, Damn it.' I found my eyes opening even thought my brain way saying no. As I gazed around and tried to get up I realized I was back at my apartment … and I was about to throw up. 'Shit, Shit, Shit, BATHROOM.' I ran to my bathroom next door and emptied my stomach into the toilet. When I was finished I flushed the contents that my body reject and attempted to brush the nasty taste out of my mouth.

While I was brushing I started to get the prickly feeling in my arm again. 'I need to cut.' I spat out the used toothpaste and rinsed it down the drain. I opened the cabinet and picked out a shiny razor begging to be used. As I watched it gleam under the light I let my hand wander to the door and click the lock in. I wondered backwards until my back hit the wall then I slowly slid down, still staring at the deadly toy in my hand.

I brought it about an inch below my elbow and pushed it slowly into my skin. 'Ah… perfect, just what I needed.' I dragged it about two inches, crossing other old scars in the process. Little red bubbles of blood soon emerged gathering together and making a small stream down my arm. I repeated the process three more times, fascinated with the blood, and was considering doing my thigh when there was a loud knock on the door.

"Duo?" 'Oh SHIT, I FORGOT HEERO WAS HERE! What am I going to do? I'm still in last nights clothes and the only other clothes in here are towels! He's going to see my arms!'

"Ah… hold on a second Heero, I was ahhhh... taking some medication for my headache. Hahaha you know about those hangovers nasty little things aren't they?"

'Oh my get a grip on yourself, you're rambling like an idiot.'

"Um alright, I'll be in the living room when you come out."

"Ok Hee-chan, I will be there in a milisec!" I slipped into my mask quickly to cover and suspicion. 'Man he is leaving, I can get into my room and put on a long sleeve shirt.' I started to leave the bathroom when I realized I was loosing a load of blood out of my and it was getting everywhere. 'Crap.' I took a washrag and rapped it around my new cuts to somewhat stop the bleeding, I took some tape out of the cabinet and rolled it around the rag to secure it. I wiped the blood off the floor and off of the razor I found I had dropped when Heero knocked. I carefully set the razor back into the cabinet and threw the bloody towels from cleaning up into the hamper. I quietly opened the door and peaked out to find Heero no where to be found and then made a mad dash to my room and changed to long sleeves.

The rag mad a slight enlargement in the sleeve, but it was barely noticeable. 'If he didn't notice during the war he won't notice now.' I thought as I started to shift through some stuff in my messy closet to try and find a pair of jeans I could change into that fit. As I did so I came across a bag of white pills. 'OH! That's where that went; it couldn't have shown up at a more perfect time. I picked three of the white pills out and popped them into my mouth and swallowed. I felt the speed kick in and headed out of the room with a little more twitch then necessary. I walked out into the living room to find Heero sitting there apparently deep in thought, he glanced up when he heard me come in.

* * *

I knew the second I knocked on the door I knew what he was doing, he was cutting and doing a crappy job of covering it up. I really couldn't just go barging in there going Duo what the hell are you doing! You could kill yourself, because that …. I just can't. I'm not going to say a thing to him unless he brings anything about the matter up first. I told him I would be in the living room when he was done, and that is exactly where I headed. When I sat down on a chair in the living room I was hoping I made the right choice when he came out. I knew immediately that either he had a lot of bandages on or a washcloth rapped around his arm, and he was on something. Okay so maybe he wasn't just on something he was on speed I could tell.

"Duo, what are you doing?"

"Uh, I don't know you said to come out here, so I uh did." He was twitching and tapping his foot the whole time.

"…"

"WHAT!"

"I decided your coming to live with me."

"What, why!"

"Because I am not letting you live like this anymore. Start packing."

"Whose making me"

"Me." With that I glared and he got my point. I started to turn to go to the kitchen to dispose of the food when I thought of something. "…and leave your speed here you don't need it."

"How…"

"MOVE" I shouted. He moved.

IM SOOOOO sorry I totally had this typed up and I planned on posting it right away but first, my brother took control of the computer for the rest of the night and the next day, then my mom and I went shopping out of town so I couldn't post it the next day either gaaaa. But anyways, this is kind of short too and I am sorry for that ill try harder the next chapter. Hope you like! (ALSO CANT FORGET! Thanks to everyone that reviewed, it means alot. But to the regards of why im writing about this matter... its helping me get over it so eh, mines well.)


	3. Chapter 3

….yeah, wow six months. I made people wait six months. I am an awful person. But I think I have grown and matured from the person I was, so let's hope this all works well continuing this.

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Chapter 3

tickticktick

I cracked open an eye to find the damn clock that woke me from my wanted sleep. I glanced at it and found it to be 4:30 a.m., damn it. My body's not going to go back to sleep either. I slithered out of the black sheets lining my bed that Heero and I had bought last week.

Last week.

Wow it's been a week, and he has hardly talked to me. Probably can't stand to look at me, I mean come on I can't even stand to look at me.

I think he knows about the cutting too. My razors continue to go missing and it's a pain trying to buy more without him breathing down my neck. Pfft, I don't care anymore, what is he going to do besides lecture and slap me on the hand like every other person that has ever found out.

4:35 a.m., guess I'll go watch a movie nothing else to do. I crept out of my room soundlessly and headed down the hall toward the living room. Heero's place was a lot nicer then anything I was normally used to, but it wasn't all fancy and proper like Quatre's where I felt out of place entirely. The pale green and tan wall paint went together along with the furniture throughout the house. Everything had its place too, outside of my room (which heaven forbid Heero ever goes into with it being a complete mess), nothing ever seemed to move.

I passed Heero's door, stopped, and went back to it. I stared at it for a moment. I've never been inside his room before. I mean I would be unhappy if he snuck into mine, but not if I never knew he did it…hmmm. Do it now, or wait till later when he's gone. He won't leave me alone at the apartment; it's been that way ever since he found me. I guess now or never. I reached for the handle and was about to pull it open when it was jerked open from the inside, and out came…. A SCARY MOSTER!!! Naw it was just a very tired looking Heero with very messed up hair, but at the suspenseful moment, he could have passed for one the way he made me jump.

Right as he noticed I was there, I noticed that he didn't have a shirt on, which he realized half a second after me because he slammed his door closed and reemerged with a long sleeved gym shirt on.

"What are you doing up Duo?"

"Couldn't sleep" I grumbled.

"So you were standing outside my door…"

"Ummm…I was going to watch a movie…"

"…"

Shit.Shit.Shit. Think of something quick!

"… and I was going to see if you were up because I didn't know where you kept the movies…"

"Hn"

"Wait, why are you up? And what's with the whole shirt thing? Hiding something Heero buddy?" I started smiling I couldn't help it; it's so funny teasing him.

Heero sneered.

"Come on..." I poked him in the stomach and noticed that his eye twitched.

"Duo…"

Oh shit. Time to stop.

"…lets go find a movie."

Well, lets just say I about died. He was acting…normal. He started off toward the living room and bent down in front of the T.V. to reach the cabinet below it. He pulled out a DVD and stuck it in the player. We both sat on the couch and I soon found myself zoning out. My arm started to tingle and I self consciously started to itch my left arm. What's stopping me from ending all of it? I have nothing to live for. What if I –

"Duo?"

I jerked back to reality.

"Yeah."

"Are you ok?"

"Uh, yeah, I think I am going to go take a shower."

"Ok, you know where everything is."

"Right" I smiled and jumped off the couch, mask slipping back into place.

I started down the hall, but right as I got the corner Heero said something and I stopped dead.

"Duo, you know there are people that care about you."

"Uh, yeah, sure do Heero, what would make you say something like that?" and I was down the hall and in the bathroom before he could reply.

"_Duo, you know there are people that care about you."_

What's stopping me?

"_Duo, you know there are people that care about you."_

The showers hot water drained onto my skin. My blade barely a hairs length away from my wrist.

"_Duo, you know there are people that care about you."_

NO THEY DON'T.

The blade was in my skin before I could blink.

I cut to deep; blood was running from the cut down my hand to pool at the bottom of the tub, turning the pure water pink.

I started to get dizzy. If I am going down then I am not getting back up. I slashed at my arm nicked it, and dropped the razor.

I slid down the tube and found my razor with my left hand and cut my right wrist with green and black speckled vision.

Hope this is it.

* * *

15 minutes is the average time for someone to take a shower.

Duo has been in there for 30, and he use to be done in five back during the war. Something isn't right, he cut to deep.

I knocked on the bathroom door, no response. I knocked again.

"Duo, if you don't answer I am knocking the door down."

"-----"

I kicked the door and made my way in, and pulled back the curtain.

There was Duo.

* * *

beepwhoshbeepwhosh

I cracked my eyes open coming back from my slumber.

Damn it, I WON'T FUCKING DIE!

I shot up from the hospital bed and slammed my arms against the guard rail, sending shots of pain up my wrapped wrists. I started screaming and the next thing I knew I had a needle in my arm and I was out again.

The next time I woke up I was strapped down, so I really couldn't do anything but look around. I guess this is when I realized I was hooked up to a heart monitor and there were tubes down my throat. And Heero was sleeping in a chair next to my bed.

Now how the hell am I suppose to get someone? Can't move, can't talk, can stop breathing…ah brilliant. I held my breath and was about to cave and breath when something beeped, really load.

Heero jolted awake and looked at me. I started breathing again and blinked at him considering I couldn't do anything else.

"You're awake."

I rolled my eyes. I mean obviously.

"You scared me."

That time I closed my eyes. I didn't want to look at him out of shame.

"The other three are here…"

I squeezed my eyes even more and I felt my heart speed up.

"Duo…"

I looked at Heero to find Quatre, Wufei, and Trowa behind him.

Shit.

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Review! Please and thank you : 


	4. Chapter 4

Yeah so pretty much I'm a bitch for making you wait a year and a half

Yeah so pretty much I'm a bitch for making you wait a year and a half. But hey, I'm probably the only one on fan-fiction that will still come back after that long of period. Enjoy.

Heero's POV

People don't understand and the pain and suffering a self-mutilator goes through. The sudden and uncontrollable urge is maddening, worse then any drug. You not only have an addiction, you have screwed up your mind to a point where you don't know what to do, think, or say anymore.

What's even worse is when your one best friend, the one that was always with you and the only one that remotely understood, is suffering from that and many other addictions. But the one and only cherry on top is the fact that you can remotely do nothing. I can't tell him it will be alright, talk to him about his problems, and tell him what he is doing is wrong, because I'm suffering from the same thing.

I have injured myself since before I can remember and it has always been a part of my life. This allowed for me to be able to get a grasp on control; mentally and physically, of my problem. I rarely do it to date, and if I do I am not just gashing at my arteries, I am aiming to make myself feel human again. I cannot say as much for Duo.

When I found him my heart stopped. I was going to lose another close one, one of the few left, and I snapped. I called the ambulance and got him to the hospital, but as soon as we got there and he was taken away I went into the bathroom and threw up. Seeing so much blood made me sick, and also led me to the huge urge of needing to see my own.

I walked until I found the gift shop and found some balloons to give Duo, and casually continued on and found a shaving set. After purchasing and asking the attendant to deliver as soon as possible, I went to the bathroom and broke the razor open. Grabbing the shiny blade as soon as it was lose I went to work up my arm from wrist to elbow. I was gushing blood, but it was slowing ebbing. I sat there on the floor and stared at it wondering how I could do what really could have killed Duo.

There was a knock on the door.

"Heero, it's Chang. I know what you're doing, open the damn door now."

Fuck.

I went over to the door and popped the button back out, leading to the door swinging open to show a slightly pissed and concerned Wufei. I backed up away from the opening until I hit the wall and slid down until I was sitting, avoiding eye contact the whole time.

"We don't need two of you in the hospital on your death beds Yuy."

Wufei sat down in front of my and grabbed my arm while setting down a first aid kit.

"You sure did a number on it. You're going to need stitches."

I nodded silently and he slowly started to fix my arm after preparing a needle.

"46 stitches and four things of gauze, this better never happen this bad again understand?"

I felt like a little kid as my eyes started to water I slowly nodded. It was the first emotion I had felt since finding Duo.

"Can you talk anymore or did you turn into a bobble head?" he said as he stood up and offered me his hand. I cleared my throat and said yes.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know." I whispered, once again finding myself not able to look at him.

"Well we don't have to talk about it now, lets go see if Duo is alright yet or not." He then grabbed my hand and lead me out of the bathroom and into the waiting room where Trowa and Quatra were sitting.

We waited six hours before a doctor came out and told us Duo was stable. He lead us back into the intensive care unit where Duo was laying deathly white and fragile looking on the starch white sheets. We were told that he would be fine but he would have to go through psychoanalysis before he would be released, until then he was on suicide watch.

Two hours later Duo woke screaming around the breathing tube and pounding his arms all over. After sedating him and securing him to the bed the nurses advised us to go home and get some rest. We all had full intentions of staying, but by this point Quatra looked ready to snap, and Trowa and Wufei didn't look well. They decided to go find somewhere and sleep at the hospital, and while I told them I would too, I opted to move to Duo's room. I didn't last long until I was curled up in the hard chair and completely out.

Some loud beeping noise jolted me awake. I realized the others had come in earlier and were sleeping on roll out beds in the tiny space between the bed and window. I looked over at Duo and realized two things, the noise had stopped and Duo was looking at me.

"You're awake."

He rolled his eyes at me like I was a child that just told him about the amazing wonders of bubble gum. Then I realized how close I was to losing him.

"You scared me."

His eyes filled with horror right before the violet orbs were snapped shut.

"The other three are here…" I noticed movement behind me seconds before and the increase in pace on the heart monitor.

"Duo…" He opened his eyes which immediately shifted left away from everyone.

"Do you want us all here?" Quatra asked suddenly. Duo looked at him and looked away again.

"I'm taking that as a no then. Who do you want in here then." Duo's eyes rolled across everyone till they landed on Heero. They stayed stationary.

"Come on." Trowa said as he gave a slight nod to Duo and ushered Quarta out while Wufei followed silently. After they left Heero turned back to him.

"You understand you almost died don't you?" He glanced away.

"And that you are staying on respiration until you can support yourself which will be about a day." He gave a swift nod.

"And that you aren't going to be allowed out of here until you gain weight and go through a psychoanalysis." His body froze up and his eyes swiveled around to look at me. He looked horrified.

"I can't help you Duo I'm sorry. If they think it necessary you're going to have to go to a ward to get help." His eyes turned to fire.

"I'll be back in a little while I think you need to cool down, not good on your current condition." I turned and left and as soon as the door shut I fell against it and slid to the floor crying.

Yeah so I am hoping it doesn't take another year haha jk I already know what I am going to write so hopefully its up soon  thanks for staying with me if anyones still out there! R&R


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